So my inauguration was great… but apparently I wasn’t the only one. This lovely Missed Connection (aka Some Jewish inauguration debauchery in craigslist form) floated my way when it popped up in the Washington D.C. channel.\u00a0 Love in D.C. is, well, so D.C.<\/p>\n
You: Jewish, attractive and drunk<\/p>\n
Me: Not Jewish (Gentile), dashing, gazelle on the dance floor and drunk<\/p>\n
In case you were as blacked out as I think you were, I feel as though I should reintroduce myself… You were dancing around and enjoying the festive cake and brownies at the JCC inaugural bar mitzvah\u2026I mean inaugural ball, before cabbing to Chinatown and passing out in my bed. Nothing makes me swoon for interfaith relationships like a girl who passes out in my lap in the back of a cab.<\/p>\n
You might be asking yourself \u201cwhy did that sweet boy not call me?\u201d or \u201cdid I really wake up in a random guy\u2019s bed in Chinatown?\u201d and other important questions to gauge whether or not last night was a dream, drunken haze or bittersweet reality. Allow me to answer those questions.<\/p>\n
While I have not called you, I did text you to make sure you succeeded in getting a cab at 7am and making it to work on time. However, in the heat of the moment last night, you either you gave me the wrong number, or we were both so F\u2019ed up that the number went into my phone incorrectly. My equally blacked out friend (who you met in the bathroom and introduced us on the dance floor) pawned you off on me \u2013 the responsible, mitzvah-seeking guy who had been hitting on you most of the night \u2013 when it became clear that you could not effectively locate any of your belongings or coherently tell us where you lived.<\/p>\n
Upon stumbling into my apt, you decided the party must go on, albeit you couldn\u2019t stand or keep your eyes open. Again, quality traits I look for when asking myself, \u201ccould I see myself converting for this woman?\u201d Once you changed into my clothes and passed out immediately in my bed, I wasn\u2019t sure whether to sleep on the floor or in my bed. However, the cute way you drunkenly mumbled to yourself \u201cI should stop drinking on Tuesdays\u201d as you woke up, confirmed my decision to sleep in bed and make sure you didn\u2019t suffocate in the sea of pillows before you.<\/p>\n
I must say, the morning wasn\u2019t as awkward as I thought it\u2019d be. I figured you\u2019d freak out, not knowing where you were or whose bed you were in. You took relative comfort in how I left a big glass of water and Excedrin (not rufies) on the table. After offering you more clothing to keep you warm outside and walking you out to get a cab, I went back to bed saying to myself, \u201cI think that classy woman might be the one.\u201d<\/p>\n
If you\u2019re reading this, my offer to take you out to dinner still stands. I’m a mensch at heart and will bring the Manischewitz.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Kinda sweet, no?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
So my inauguration was great… but apparently I wasn’t the only one. This lovely Missed Connection (aka Some Jewish inauguration debauchery in craigslist form) floated my way when it popped up in the Washington D.C. channel.\u00a0 Love in D.C. is, well, so D.C. You: Jewish, attractive and drunk Me: Not Jewish (Gentile), dashing, gazelle on […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-482","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-academic"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pJP4m-7M","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.whatknows.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/482","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.whatknows.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.whatknows.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.whatknows.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.whatknows.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=482"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.whatknows.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/482\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":485,"href":"https:\/\/www.whatknows.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/482\/revisions\/485"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.whatknows.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=482"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.whatknows.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=482"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.whatknows.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=482"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}